♥Wednesday, September 24, 2008 } 1:26 AM
011008
:: th date that im NOT waiting for .
hahs .
well , to me there's no meaning in RAYA anymore .
eversince my grandma passed , my life was ruined & RAYA was meaningless to me .
i've NO mood to RAYA .
really , i've lost th mood to RAYA .
i missed my grandma .
i miss her cookings etc .
really , im not kidding .
:: if u guys got to taste her cooking .
u will always ASK FOR MORE (:
i miss those times when im at her house , finding white hairs for her .
i stiil rmbr th last moments i had with her .
Ya Allah .
sometimes , its so hard fot me to come to th fact that she's gone .
imiss her...
BADLY !!!
sometimes , during these times of th Holy Month , i can feel her presence in my house .
Last year , she passed during this month of th holy month .
its still fresh in my mind how it all happened .
::
I was at sch when my uncle called and told me my grandma was in her worse condition .
so i asked for an early leave to visit her in th hospital .
Upon reaching there , th doctor said that th chances of my grandma making it was thin .
i cries my heart out .
at 5pm , my family , my uncle , my mum's cousin and my grandpa leave th hospital and went home coz its breaking fast time .
when i was at my fiance's house at 9pm that day , my uncle called me saying that th nurses asked him to come down .
i told him to called my step-father .
then , my s-dad called me and asked me to follow to th hospital .
Upon reaching th CCU , i wen tinside my grandma's ward and standing there was my grandpa .
With tears , he sid to my mum , "Timah , mak kau da takde " ( Timah , your mum's gone )
That night was a horrible night for me .
I MISS MY GRANDMA )':
kehidupan iny dipenuhi dgn ranjau duri.kadangkala aku termenung , memikirkan cara bagaimana utuk aku mengatasi masalah ku iny.
mengapa begitu bnyk masalah yg dtg menimpa diriku ?
mmg benar , org bisa melihat ku bahgia .
tetapi mereka tidak tahu apa yg sebenarnya tersirat di lubuk hati ku iny .
masalah yg aku hadapi begitu berat untuk ku pikul bersendirian .
tetapi dgn siapa harus ku luahkan dan berkongsi masalah ku ?
tiada siapa yg buleyh bantu .
hndk ku luahkan kdp tunang ku , namun bagi ku , dia tertalu matang untuk mengatasi masalah ku iny .
aku malu untuk beritahu dia .
kdgkala , aku rasa aku ingin pergi ke sesuatu tmtpt jd aku bisa pekik dgn sekuatkuat hati ku .
aku ingin melepaskan segala-galanya !!
aku bosan !!
aku bingit dgn kehidupan ku iny .
aku tk mahu hidop lag !!
itu laa yg aku rasakan .
bagiku tiada maknanya lagi aku hidop .
aku telah kehilangan org yg aku sygi di dlm kehidupan ku iny .
hanya yg tgl , mak & jga adq adq ku .
termasuk tunang ku juga .
aku tidak tahan dgn kehidupan iny .
):
yg benar ,
ECHAA .
♥Tuesday, September 9, 2008 } 2:59 AM
Me & Shah .its like , both of us were drifting apart.why must this happen?both were busy with different stuffs.i cant help missing hiim.but i understand that he's busy.me & him , we are not close as last tyme.seldom msg , seldom meet each other etc.sometymes , i dont feel his love anymore.idk why ?sometymes , when i wanna mit him ,he tend to give excuses like'my dad's at home''im tired''im going out with my frends'whats behind all those stupid excuses ?why is he trying to avoid me ?what did i do ?sometymes , i wonder , what am i to him ?do he treat me like his ORDINARY frens ?or his FIANCE ?i cant think of any answers.often , in my mind.i kept thinking.is he having any affair with any other gerls ?till he avoids me each time ?I MISS HIM SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!but sometimes , i just ignore th feelings.coz i dont want him to think im so into him.why must i find him first when he keeps ignoring me ?when he's with his NCDCC frns or NS.he dint even bother to reply my msgs.but when he's with me,ke kept on msging his frens.does he even care about what i feel ?why must it always be ME to care about him ?only time will tell th answers.
Its a looooooong story.but let me relate it to you all.
it happened quite a long time ago.
2 days after meeting Fir, Shah , my ex came back to my life and aske me to be with him again.
I was like 'wadda-hell?'
i was shocked but cant deny feeling over-joyed as i had been waiting for that moment a long time.
but what makes me dejected is ..
to hurt Fir's feelings.
i cant help but cried telling Fir what happened and i had to let go of him.
i knew , fir was sad. Like i do.
but , to me , what matters is.
My future + my Past.
you guys wont understand.
I had been with shah since last year.
but my love was rejected aft our 7th month.
it took me 6mths to overcome th truth that Shah had left me.
now that he's back with me,
i felt happy.
but i still cant forget what i did to Fir.
i was terribly dejected.
i cant stop thinking about my faults.
Fir , im sorry.
Im sorry that i had to let you go.
Hope you found someone better than me , kays ?
im not perfect..
♥
